Category: Life

There is this program on Arts Central called ‘Human Instincts’. It’s a documentary that explains some common human behaviours through science. Don’t know what time the program starts but it should be around 11.30pm-12am on Wednesdays. I usually lie down on bed and watch TV until I feel sleepy.

My boss told me in his office that he might bring me to Paris with him some time during March. To talk to the developers there on how we can work together to integrate their websites with the one I’m working on now. Upon hearing this I frozed for a few seconds. It feels something big and if I cock up, I’ll cause trouble everywhere. [:(] . Worse still, French people have a heavy accent and I might have trouble trying to understand what they’re trying to say. [X(]

I need to work on my knowledge now. Gonna go learn what XML and RSS is all about. I have a feeling it’ll be helpful.

“Scattered” by Green Day.

I’ve got some scattered pictures lying on my bedroom floor.
Reminds me of the times we shared.
Makes me wish that you were here.
Now it seems I’ve forgotten my purpose in this life.
All the songs have been erased.
Guess I’ve learned from my mistakes.

Open the past and present.
Now and we are there.
Story to tell and I am listening.
Open the past and present.
And the future too.
It’s all I’ve got and I’m giving it up to you.

Loose ends tied in knots.
Leaving a lump down in my throat.
Gagging on a souvenir.
Lodged to fill another year.
Drag it on and on until my skin is ripped to shreds.
Leaving myself wide open.
Living out a sacrifice.

If you got no one and I’ve got no place to go, would it be alright?
Could it be alright?

I’m limiting myself to a cup of coffee a day, just to keep my headache away. Can’t believe I got so hooked I had 3-4 cups a day last year during my industrial attachment. So now, during work, I have a cup in the morning to rev up myself. During afternoon, if I feel too sleepy, I go for a hot cup of Lipton tea.

I did a lot of thinking since last week. The result is more problems to think about [:(]. One thing for sure, I know myself a lot better than before. Perhaps this is just temporary. Perhaps I’m entering the next chapter of a book titled ‘Erik Yang’. Perhaps I’m heading towards a mental breakdown. Perhaps… perhaps… perhaps…

I might have unstable personalities, behaviours. I don’t have a particular favourite color, food, music genre, anime, manga or hobby. It all boils down to my mood. If I feel like having chicken rice, I go for chicken rice. It is/was never my favourite food. Sometimes I think I’m mature, other times I find myself having childish thoughts. And sometimes I feel like robbing a fat kid of his McDonald’s happy meal. No self control.

All the thinking might be affecting me indirectly. I misinterpret what others type, my emotions are mixing and running wild, can’t concentrate well, and my rate of spelling errors is going up.

And so I went back to listening to my old Green Day album, Dookie. Feels so darn good to listen to their songs again. [:)]

Excerpt from “Chump” by Green Day
Maybe it’s just jealousy
Mixing up with a violent mind
A circumstance that doesn’t make much sense
Or maybe I’m just dumb

Back when I started listening to Green Day, a lot of their songs didn’t make much sense to me. I had a poor understanding of english cos I didn’t pay attention in classes and I don’t read much. All I liked was their music and the singer, Billie Joe’s voice/style-of-singing. But slowly, I’m beginning to understand the lyrics.

It’s just one of those times again where I fuck things up and piss off everyone around me. Well, a bad habit of mine. Losing self control. I should quiet down for a while, isolate myself from everyone if there’s a need, and rethink things…

This is what I hate about myself…

I’ll most probably stop blogging for a week or two.

It will just be another day with the guys out having fun and all that [:(]. All the pass 20 V Days have been spent either at home or with my friends. [:|]

I’m going to register wyred.nu on this coming V Day and make a new background image for my blog. [XD]

Here’s a portion of the conversation I had with my colleague on our way back to office from lunch yesterday:
Him: So how are you going to spend this coming Valentine’s Day?
Me: Stay at home as usual. Haha
Him: What you mean stay at home? Blah… Blah… Get a girlfriend… Blah…
Me: Don wan lah, it’s still early.
Him: What you mean still early?
Me: I’m still young.
Him: What you mean still young?
Me: I’m not mature enough yet.
Him: What you mean not mature enough?
Me: (I kept quiet hoping the conversation would die and it did.)

The new AthlonXP seems to be running fine. I hope the “burn-in” I did with prime95 has warmed up that little twit. My games are running more smoothly with the exception of Diablo2 which still lags at certain parts of the game. Everytime I climb the staircases behind Shenk the Overseer (Act 5 Quest 1), everything slows down a little. At least overall, it’s better than my older Athlon Thunderbird.

5pm: I had some spare time so I did a little flash for the top right corner of this blog. I don’t know what happened. It’s like all of a sudden, I know kung fu… nah. All of a sudden, I know how to use movie and graphic symbols. The concept just popped into my mind. Freaky… It was just like the other time at Nanyang Polytechnic, during my Final Year Project days. I had my lunch and was trying to take a nap while my partner and the other guys in the same lab were watching a Hongkong movie. All of a sudden, an idea popped into my mind for ABSOLUTELY NO REASON OR CAUSE and there, I was abusing the school’s high speed connection to send files to people at blistering speeds. [:D]

Felt a sudden rush of nostalgia. I remembered my secondary school days where I slept in class. All I heard when I closed my eyes where the loud whirring sounds generated by the four ceiling fans and the voice of my teacher yapping away. Next thing I hear would be the loud ringing of the school bell which signals the time for recess.

Lethargically, I dragged myself to the toilet to wash my face. Then run down 4 storeys to the canteen as fast as I can cos the queue for the malay food stall would always be long. I would always ask for extra rice and their curry gravy is very delicious.

After a good tasty meal, I walk back to the foyer where most of my friends hang out. We would chat, laugh, fool around for the next 10 minutes till the bell rings again. We would slowly clamber up the staircase, chatting away and enjoying the breeze if there were any.

Back to class and back to sleep till the school bell rings again and home I go.

I miss the spiraling staircase I walked up and down for 4 years,
I miss the noise of busy students when it school ends,
I miss the warmth of the sun as I take the 15 minute walk back home,
I miss the sweaty feeling when I reach home.